Stuck.

Hey Guys, Finally back blogging after a few days. This time round, i am back with more of my troubled soul. Yes, you read that right.. Troubled Soul. I am troubled. Very troubled in detail. Why so? It's because of two person. Both guys and same name but different surname. How should i put it, I am very much confused in between. I tried to make time for both of them but however, i am still a average human who can't please the both world. It is, indeed hard for me cause both of them having feelings for me and i am pretty sure of that case. I never thought a guy like me will be worth fighting for. People say, Get them to be friends, it will pretty much solve everything, Yep, i tried. I tried so hard that i got tired of my own shit. I am just stuck in between both of them, I don't get why they can't understand the fact that i am still a human and that i don't just belong to one person. No i don't belong to just one person. I don't want to be as well. I don't want to feel trapped in one, i want peace and yes, i just hope for peace. My 18 birthday just passed not long ago and this is happening, i am wondering if i am just being unlucky. Even Christopher Thian, one awesome guy i known for so long, started to give me attitude that i didn't ask for. I know and understand that, that is one's personality however, i am very much upset by the fact that he is unable to control his words and attitude when he is upset. He showed me how annoying i am. I know i am annoying but what i was trying to do is just to make peace between two person, If one is unable to be stable enough to meet the other, i will have to make sure that they don't meet till they feel better. I guess that's the only way to make peace, however there will always be insecurities stepping in... Insecurity is such a bitch. I know and understand very much how does this feel but i just hope both of them understand that they are important to me and i just can't just ignore another for one. I am who i am, If this goes on, i don't know how long can i last in staying strong. I might just end up giving up on everything and just distance myself away from everybody, if that's the way they want it then fine by me. I certainly don't want Christopher Ching to think so much that affect him so badly as well. No, i am not saying that i should totally devote my time to C. Thian. And no, I don't have to totally devote my time to C. Ching as well. I know both of them meant well for each other but this is simply too much. Being stuck in-between two person isn't that nice. I know both of them will be reading this post but i just want them to know how hard it is to be stuck in the middle. I hate being stuck in the middle. C. Thian just need to work on his emotion. Nobody said it's gonna be easy but if there's no effort, no effect will be seen. In fact, one day after my birthday, i thought it will be a great day for both of them to hang out together, brought along my polaroid, hoping to take some good photos together and i have people giving me attitude. At that moment of time, in my brain was to endure and make sure i don't burst. And, yes, y'all guessed it.. I burst. I can't take it, trying to make everything work when there are no effort being seen, AT ALL. How would y'all feel when 3 person goes out together and end up being very quiet and walking in one straight line. I know right, What the actual fuck. I can, NEVER take that shit. NEVER EVER. I would pretty much say it's a rather fucked up outing, whats more... One day after my birthday. ONE DAY. Can you believe that... I am pretty sure 2014 isn't gonna be a good year for me.. Although it's going to be a lot of self-improvement but i know in my emotion and friendship wise, it's gonna be tough. I don't want to lose both of them however at this rate that it's going, i am pretty sure i am going to give up. If you want to give me attitude then go ahead, i would care less. I know, i am not a good friend or something but at least i tried to give my 100 % in saving this. I would just want to end this blog post with one simple sentence.. " I Belong To Nobody And That Nobody Means Nobody At All. "