Moving forward

 Hello guys,

Back to update once again. I've just read an article on Facebook about break ups. True enough, i was dumb to be crying over something i have already lost. Times where i really care, asking whether he is home and all. I should have known that he stop putting in effort. Life goes on. I believe God is good, God is fair. Once he closes one door, he will open another. No way am i ever gonna be sad over something i can't have. This time round, i will be stronger than who i was. I will be different from who i was. I won't show much care and concern. People change, Hurt causes change. There is no way that i can stay as who i was because i have been hurt enough. I can safely say, from now onwards, i will be leading my life all from the start again. It's tough because knowing that there won't be someone who will be at home waiting for you and for you to call yours. But hey, Who needs a guy who don't appreciate what you have done and calls you annoying? I am all about being positive, Some people just need to look into the positive stuff more than the negative stuff.

We could only be mature when we solve things like adults. We could only be human when we understand how the other party would feel. We could only know how to love when we put in the effort to.

Last night, i cried all over again and told myself. "Hey, if he is making you cry and he don't feel a thing about it, why are you still crying over him. He can't see you cry, he can't feel how hurt you are." I made myself feel better but deep inside i know, there's just something about him that makes me love him so deeply.

People might say that i am just trying to change his mind. My answer is nope, i am not trying to change his mind cause as much as i want him back, i wouldn't want to anymore. Yes, at the point of break up i wanted him back so badly. Once bitten, Twice shy. He can do this to me without feeling anything, he can still do it to me again in future.

I guess, i am starting to really mature up and start to think like an adult. I want to solve problems like an adult. I quit my job because i know, whenever i go back there. There will be memories that are stained at certain areas of the outlet. Moments where i just surprise him, moments where he tries to scare me, moments where we have some time alone. I stop myself from feeling awful, i make a move. As much as i don't want to, i have to.

After breaking up, i slept for 2 hours and today, i felt so much better after sleeping for so long. Indeed it feels way better. I stop thinking about things that i shouldn't be thinking of.

Age is just a number but it shows how mature you should be. Sometimes, when your age doesn't match with your maturity level, its time for you to do something about it. People tell me, he will get into another relationship soon and everything will repeat itself. I guess, that's what heartbreakers do. They come into your life, making everything look so damn perfect, they got tired of you and start to screw you from inside. You just felt like everything is crumbling down but for the actual fact, it's just a new beginning of the new you.

Thank you, for giving me such wonderful times together and by screwing my thoughts, feelings and who i am, i can firmly say, i give up and i am someone stronger.

Memories will be but feelings change.

Heartaches

Hello guys,
Today's post will be rather draggy and mainly targeted at my ex boyfriend. Yeps, you read the word, "ex". Time flies, its coming to the 4th month of us being together but like what people always say, Good things never last. Yeps, i guess that's true. I felt so happy being together with this wonderful guy. Although he may not be perfect but in my eyes, he is already what i wanted. Just within these few months, we have created so many wonderful, special and awfully unique experience together. From seeing him stress with projects to him going for internship to him ending his internship and starting school again. It's been really a rough ride together but i used to believe that with our determination, we can overcome everything together.

But sometimes, things don't just go exactly how we want it to. There are moments where we fight and quarrel real hard. There are also times where what i really want was just time together, hugging and cuddling on the bed together. Promises are made. Promises are broken.

This was one of the best relationship i ever had. Holding his hands, knowing that his hands fits perfectly into mine. It gives me so much warmth and assurance. I know all these while, it has been tough on both of us. 

All these memories that we create together are really one of a kind. Thank you for making the effort to come down to my school to find me during my project days. Although it has been a tiring day for you but i am really glad and happy that you made the effort to.  

Some stuffs may not be special to you but to me, all these little moments when you take the initiative to do stuff for me, to surprise me. I love them and i really appreciate the effort. The times where we can just go on skype or facetime and stare at each other's face for minutes and talk about random stuff. I can never fail to just stare at you and get lost in those eyes.

 I love traveling. It feels wonderful and special when i was at bangkok with you. 

For all these memories we have created, it all has to come to end on the 29 Sep , 0050. 

Thank you for all the times that we have been together, it is rough but i guess now i think you have enough of me. Enough of my nonsense and enough of me planning things for you. Maybe sometimes i think i was caring but to you, i was being annoying. 

With this, Thank you guys for reading. 

Update!

HELLO GUYS!
Just gonna do a quick update on this space, haven't been updating this space for quite some time. Fear not, i am back to update you guys about my life as of now. I've been really busy for the past 3 weeks. Had crazy project submission and also Exams. But i would say Exams wise i hope and i guess i could say that i am pretty confident that i can do well. Hopefully thats the case so anyway, After my exams, I had to start packing for my Bangkok trip cause just few days after my exams. Did quite a bit of shopping at bangkok but due to monetary problems, i didn't get to buy a lot of stuff that i could have gotten.  Before Bangkok trip, i had to send Christopher off to the airport for his school trip which easily take up 5 weeks of his time. I encouraged him to go 'cause i believe this is really once in a lifetime thing to be out there learning and getting the chance to experience different kind of environment and people. Although it also means that i will not be able to see him for 5 weeks and i sure have lots of stuff to share with him. Can't wait for him to be back. Just today, i have to choose between work and family time. For those who know me well, you would have guessed it. I chose Family time over Work. Personally, i think that Family Time is what i see as Long-Term while Work is Short-Term. You might be asking me why did i place it in such manner. I'll explain. Family Time is what most important to me because we only have that limited amount of time with the people God put us together and be a family with. Family Time is what lost and cannot be found, it also means my commitment to my family because i am willing to give a part of life (Time) to my loved ones. This is long-term, cause i am sure and certain that i am going to be with them for the rest of my life. While, Work is another whole new story because I believe i can only commit a small portion of my time to work, i also know that i won't be staying in that company for a long period of time because i like to jump around, job hopping and seeing which type of job fits me best. I don't care about promotion, i don't care about pay rise. What matters to me most is the experience that i gain and what i learn through that job. Short-term. I understand that because currently im working in retail job, they cannot be as flexible but as an Event Student, i really have last minute stuff to handle from time to time. Some commitment here and there to handle too. So if the job doesn't meet my standard, i guess it also means that it's time to leave.