Back to update once again. I've just read an article on Facebook about break ups. True enough, i was dumb to be crying over something i have already lost. Times where i really care, asking whether he is home and all. I should have known that he stop putting in effort. Life goes on. I believe God is good, God is fair. Once he closes one door, he will open another. No way am i ever gonna be sad over something i can't have. This time round, i will be stronger than who i was. I will be different from who i was. I won't show much care and concern. People change, Hurt causes change. There is no way that i can stay as who i was because i have been hurt enough. I can safely say, from now onwards, i will be leading my life all from the start again. It's tough because knowing that there won't be someone who will be at home waiting for you and for you to call yours. But hey, Who needs a guy who don't appreciate what you have done and calls you annoying? I am all about being positive, Some people just need to look into the positive stuff more than the negative stuff.
We could only be mature when we solve things like adults. We could only be human when we understand how the other party would feel. We could only know how to love when we put in the effort to.
Last night, i cried all over again and told myself. "Hey, if he is making you cry and he don't feel a thing about it, why are you still crying over him. He can't see you cry, he can't feel how hurt you are." I made myself feel better but deep inside i know, there's just something about him that makes me love him so deeply.
People might say that i am just trying to change his mind. My answer is nope, i am not trying to change his mind cause as much as i want him back, i wouldn't want to anymore. Yes, at the point of break up i wanted him back so badly. Once bitten, Twice shy. He can do this to me without feeling anything, he can still do it to me again in future.
I guess, i am starting to really mature up and start to think like an adult. I want to solve problems like an adult. I quit my job because i know, whenever i go back there. There will be memories that are stained at certain areas of the outlet. Moments where i just surprise him, moments where he tries to scare me, moments where we have some time alone. I stop myself from feeling awful, i make a move. As much as i don't want to, i have to.
After breaking up, i slept for 2 hours and today, i felt so much better after sleeping for so long. Indeed it feels way better. I stop thinking about things that i shouldn't be thinking of.
Age is just a number but it shows how mature you should be. Sometimes, when your age doesn't match with your maturity level, its time for you to do something about it. People tell me, he will get into another relationship soon and everything will repeat itself. I guess, that's what heartbreakers do. They come into your life, making everything look so damn perfect, they got tired of you and start to screw you from inside. You just felt like everything is crumbling down but for the actual fact, it's just a new beginning of the new you.
Thank you, for giving me such wonderful times together and by screwing my thoughts, feelings and who i am, i can firmly say, i give up and i am someone stronger.
Memories will be but feelings change.
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