Tiring max

Blogging while I'm in the train to Chinese garden for a swim with Javius. Very long since I last went there for a swim. The swimming complex was closed for months for renovation, and the last time was with GuoHao. Gonna get tan myself, I'm turning into a white chicken already which I don't want. :3 didn't sleep for long this morning. Reached home at 5am, really tired but worth it. Spent it with huiyun and three of her friends. From my house to woodlands Mart to woodlands waterfront then marsiling then waterfront then yishun then admiralty then sembawang then home. Tiring bodoh! But still very fun! Never go cycling for a few hours straight and go to such far places. I think I sure slim quite a bit. Like 2kg? Perhaps. Getting back our prelim paper tmr, I hope I get at least a pass for Maths and PoA. HWAITING. !

Letting go.

Sometimes, knowing how to let go and move on is a good thing but , i cant bear watching you suffer alone. What the hell is your boyfriend doing?! why isnt he there to protect you and be with you? Its been 2 months since we broke up and i am still worrying about your well-being. Although you dont wanna reply my texts, Even when you said you're scared of being alone on twitter. Whats with your ego? Nevermind then, maybe i am just being nosy. i wont care if you dont want me to. I feel that i had slim down or something, my pants became loose recently. Maybe because i cycle a lot recently, I'm starting to love cycling. 2 points to it. 1, i get to slim down and enjoy the wind. 2, Get to be by HuiYun. Our chemistry  is really good. We wore the same shirt just now when we cycle and said " Now go find Azmirah " together. Oh god. Mum's birthday coming soon and she already got her watch, so what should i get for her? Hmmmm. I got not enough money to buy her a cake. Going USS. hmmmm, shall see how then. Now, i need to sleep. Nights world.

Gary.

Hey Gary Chew, how are you doing? I miss you a lot. After your accident, you seems to forget most of the things in life. You forgot me.. You. Did. You ignored my smses for 9 months and you're still ignoring me. 9 months is enough for a sperm and egg to turn into a baby. I hope you're doing well. Im starting to worry about you. Sorry for not caring about how you felt, I feel bad. I miss you more than i miss anyone else. Yes, anyone else. Not even GuoHao. He is nothing compared to you. How i wish you are still here next to me, like how you used to. You seen me grow through break ups and relationship, always caring for me. Thank you. Saranghaeyo.

Happy Birthday Singapore !

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY MY FELLOW SINGAPOREANS. I know, i know. i once said i want to move on other countries and stay there forever cause of the growing price of staying in Singapore, but to think of it, Which country celebrate their National Day like how we do? Everyone, no matter what Race, Religion, Size, Color and sex, Everybody come together at one single location to celebrate our Singapore's 47th Birthday. We are like one big big big Family, the Fireworks is just so pretty and awesome. After celebration is over, go on Twitter you can see people calling Tony Tan the KFC guy. If you guys got caught and charged on court, i will be laughing my ass out. Insulting your President uh, The photo also. i find it insulting, As a Singaporean, you're making fun of your own President, You got no shame?! No offense to anyone in this post but yes, i dont agree to people making fun of Dr Tony Tan. -Respect-

Dance out your heart.

Stop crying, BE A MAN :) No point crying over someone who cannot be yours again right? No point crying over spilled milk. So how do you get over such stupid things? DANCE. Yes, dance. Go to somewhere where most memories are left and dance it all out. For me. Woodlands Waterfront is the place where it holds the most memories. Went there with Azmirah and HuiYun just now and had a really good time even though my bike is being a bitch, i changed the chain and its still. -_- Gonna get a new one after my Genting trip! Mum came home from Genting, my genting trip! She is paying for me. like a yayyyyy. i just need to save the money to go there spend.hohoho. Anyway, Danced with Azmirah at waterfront and her dance is awesomely funny. Dance Gee in the man way. OH GOD. Laugh till stomachache. Prelim ended and i am gonna have a good time enjoying a bit before i go for N levels.

HURT.

Recently a lot guys named Chris added me on Facebook and one of them asked. I read your blog and knowing that he had hurt you, would you give it another try with him? I was shocked, i didnt know what to answer but in my heart deep inside its screaming yesh. But what i typed was. If fate permits if not, no. Somehow he seems distracted after that. its weird when i had to wake up dreaming about the 6 number. 090611. I dont exactly rmb what is this number. but i woke up thinking why is this number so familiar, It was so big in my dream that smash me.

Lead Me.

I know i can move on, i know i can do it. I know i can be stronger than who i am now. i am pretty sure i can. I will be stronger. Just watch me. Going on stage today in the morning was scary although what i see was just a land of students and a photographer infront of me. Won the first for OMG presentation. So happy after presenting it last year, didnt won any shit this year won a first. August is starting to be nice to me. hehe. i love you august. Although POA was shit, i understand no shit from all those questions, i was stun by the questions, i am so gonna fail and Mr xie is gonna call my mum and tell her how badly i have done and whatever not. Just call uh. tsktsk. Last paper tmr. Cheena, JIAYOU TO ME AND EVERYBODEH. And you, huiyun :) After Exam gonna go cycling. HOHOHOHO.

Weakness.

How i wish this could happen to me. I REALLY REALLY WISH. or maybe i used to wish. You made me think of the happy times, usually. Like how happy i was when i see you sitting outside my school waiting for me. Now. Maybe seeing you might make me feel sian, after all those shit you did. You actually made me cried infront of Vanni and Gaya. But it really did make me stronger.  Thanks for that. I deleted our folder that worth so many photos. and the video i made. Most probably i dont wish to see them again. Thanks for all those suffers i got.. You are not the only one that suffer, bear this in your mind. Not to worry, i wont disturb you anymore. I shall get your number removed from my head and my phone. Well, after my exams, if fate permits, we will be in love again. If not, we shall go on our own ways. Good Night.

Really ended.

I've learnt to grow from this. You dont care. You dont mind. You dont love. You are mean. You are diffferent. I no longer care. I no longer mind. I no longer love. I had to be mean. I had to be different. You want it to end then i respect you. If not hearing and not seeing you could let the 1 year feeling fade, i will. Since you want it to fade so badly. I cried. in front of Alan. I feel so weak. I CRIED AGAIN WHEN I WATCH THE VIDEO. I had no choice to delete all our memories all together along with the videos. So that i wont think of them ever again. I still cant believe instead of being touched.. you asked me not to disturb you. You.. turned.. so.. scary...

Forced.

Erza Scarlet. Even the strongest Fairy Tail Wizard has its weak point and eventually break down and have a good cry. Sorry to say. My tap have run out of tears today, they are no longer flowing for you. Instead of being touched or something, you in turn bit me and ask me not to disturb you anymore. Yes i wont, no longer will. From today onwards, do not expect a single text from me. i know i had said that i would move on for a times already, but i am serious now. FUCKING HELL YOU. I FUCKING USED 2 FUCKING HOURS TO FUCKING MADE THAT FUCKING VIDEO AND YOU FUCKING ASKED ME TO DONT DISTURB YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCKKK YOU. I SWEAR TO GOD, IF I EVER SEE YOU ON THE STREET OR SOMETHING I WONT EVEN LOOK INTO YOUR EYES. I WOULD FUCKING PRETEND I DONT KNOW YOU OR SOMETHING.  You keep claiming that i break your heart three times what about you? you broke my heart 3 times as well. i fucking told you i was jealous 3 times and you ignored me 3 times. You are the cause of this awful breakup. IF NOT FOR YOUR FLIRTY-NESS we werent have end up like this. i made the sorry, putting aside my ego and made that video, not including how bad you were. but dude, look. who are you and why do i need you so much? BYE DUDE. BYE. i dont wish to hear from you and dont even wanna see you ever again. im utterly disappointed.

Hurt.

Knowing that it would hurt, why did we start this out in the first place. Now, we're nothing more than strangers which really hurt me.

not even 20%

今天的post是华文的。因为我自己觉得我可以把我的感受用华文说的比较好，自己也不知道为什么的。最近很容易就哭，什么都哭，真的是。。。无话可说。一直告诉自己，该长大了。那得起，放得下。 他都再也不想和我说话了，心真的很痛。可是我什么都不能做，坐在一旁，看着你。对不起。。让你心痛了3次。真对不起，我知道我们是不可能了。该放弃了。。 我不断地告诉自己，那得起，放得下。看你开心就好，你可能没有在读我的伯克，我也不管。你都不管我的死活，我知道，我小孩子态度。你。。。变了。我还记得，“小孩子！我喜欢！” 这些，你都忘了吗？哦，我忘了。你都不管了，还会记得这些没用的东西吗？我，真是的。有些时候，自己想看看你的笑容。要看真正的，都不可能。只好拿出照片来看看，想一想那时我们是多么的开心。看到你的笑容，自己也开心起来了。可是，想到不能再次看到你。心就痛。算了吧，过去的就让它过去吧。不论我这么哭，这么想念你，都应该让它们都放在一旁。对不起。我还是爱着你。谢谢你把我那么容易的忘了。我多么想能把那些回忆都忘了。但，我就是做不到。我真失败。

Unsaid

There are things that are better left unsaid.

A thousand years.

I will not let anything take away whats standing in front of me. One step closer.. I have died everyday waiting for you, Darling dont be afraid. I had loved you for a Thousand years. I felt really horrible when i woke up from my nap just now. I cant believe what actually happened in my dream, GuoHao coming to my house and we take as per normal and laugh about things. He seems back to how he was when i met him for the first time, But now he is a total different person so dont bother. Asked mum for reward for my Prelim and N level, i just asked for a Room. My own room but it seems nearly impossible. I mean, its our house even asking for a room myself is impossible what more can i ask? She owing bank lots of money and she need to rent the room out so to  have extra income, i mean.. If money is all you think about, what about your child's need? I am already 16 and i need a room myself and during this crucial moment nearing the N levels, My sister is being a bitch shouting whenever she comes into the room, how am i suppose to study? true story bro? Whatever it is, Year end, ITS A MUST TO LOOK FOR A JOB. Give mum some money so that her burden will not be that much. Having Geo and chemistry paper tmr, i havent done shit. Seriously, i dont feel any stress from this prelim even though i know that i suck very much on Sciences but i am doing nothing. I got a feeling that i will fail Physics paper. Whatever it is, since its over then let it be. Weekend is gonna be used to do  POA and rmb the theory questions they will ask. There isnt DanceOff tmr as well. so gonna spend the night with my beloved and vanni cycling. I have yet to remove that seat thing. Cant wait for tmr, I need something to look forward to every week so that i will be motivated to move on. I know i can do it and i will do it. HuiYun, i believe you can do it, seeing that you put in effort to do something for SS makes me happy. When i believe you can do it, you better believe you can do it as well! Jiayouuuuuu!

Lovey Dovely.

Lovey dovey. Went to had dinner with Chris and Glanny just now, Seeing them lovey dovey totally makes me think about you again although i tried not to. I tried to distract myself with other things like focusing on my food but memories just comes back to me. Sometimes, i wish that i would get bang by a car or bus or something big and kill me. If not, lose my memories. I wont remember all the things i've done and totally lead another new life. I know it is a selfish act but i dont know either. Whatever it is, Alanny said, wait for you to find me instead of me finding you. I Moved on, because of HuiYun. She tried to make me happy and tell me to move on. I MOVE :D Its august and i dont want to spoil the month by thinking of all these sad things. July already had fun killing me inside. August will be kind, i guess. Off to study for tmr's prelim. Physics. GOGO !